Facing the Fear – Jay’s Story

In keeping with the the recent theme of controlling fear in boxing, whatever the source of that fear may be, I wanted to tell you a story about a young man that I worked with some time ago.  There is probably more than one or two elements of this story that you may find hard to believe, but I can promise you that every word is true.  Quite simply, it is probably the single most powerful memory that I have from my coaching career.

Jay first walked into our boxing gym at the age of about 15.  He was a tall, thin and very quiet young man.  I don’t recall any first impressions really, other than the fact that he was always in the background.  What became apparent quite quickly though was that Jay had real problems with his levels of self-confidence.  He wasn’t a particularly inclined to mix too much with the other boxers, preferring instead to quietly get on with his training.

Now, in my opinion the average length of time it would take to get a boxer prepared for their first fight, from knowing pretty much nothing to being a raw novice who knows enough defensive and offensive skills to feel a certain level of confidence in a fight situation, I would say we are looking at 6 to 12 months.  Some may not take as long, some may take longer.  In Jay’s case it took the best part of 2 years.  By any standards, this is quite a timeline to a first fight.

So why did it take this long?  Well, it was not that Jay wasn’t picking up the skills or developing the strength.  Whilst this didn’t exactly come quickly it was certainly evident when working the pads that he was gradually learning to throw technically correct shots with speed and power.  Being tall, Jay really did have some considerable advantages.  His body became more ‘cut’ and he gradually developed some quite serious power in both hands.  Given the right way forward, we may have had a little Tommy Hearns on our hands here!

Whilst the skills were developing, albeit at a steady pace, the confidence levels were still not great.  Where did the confidence problems show themselves?  During sparring.  When Jay sparred, you could almost see the words “too tentative” written across his forehead.  The nervousness that he displayed was what stood out rather than his skills.  I knew that his skills were there, but those skills were of precious little use if there was such overbearing caution during the minutes of a round of boxing.

Jay’s flinch response was all-consuming.  The eyes would shut, the arms would come up in a broadly defensive pose but it was really a case of hiding behind the defence rather than seeking to explode from behind the defence.  Whilst his edginess was as profound as this, we could not even begin to consider putting Jay into his first contest.  We were really beginning to wonder whether we would get there at all.

However, as with many things in life, persistence, patience and tenacity often pay dividends.  Gradually, Jay became less and less nervous.  He never climbed into a spar and oozed confidence, but he was managing his response to stress in a much more acceptable way for us as coaches.  So, after 2 years, we made Jay his first match.  We really didn’t know how he would react on fight night, but the time had come and sometimes you just have to roll the dice and hope for the best.

On the night of the fight, the preparations went pretty well.  Jay was quiet, but this is quite usual for a boxer in the minutes before climbing the steps.  Fighting is one hell of a nerve-racking experience, so as long as the warm up goes well and there is a sharpness to the work, I wasn’t about to worry about him not prattling on with small talk.

As with all amateur fights, there were to be two coaches working the corner.  Jay was good friends with my fellow coach Ash (she of punch pads fame), so Ash would be the primary coach and I was to ‘hand up’, getting the stool in, washing the mouthguard, handing the drinks to the primary coach and so on.

I always see the ‘handing up’ coach as the one who keeps quiet during the one-minute interval.  I think it important that the boxer has one voice to listen to otherwise it can feel slightly panicked, the corner should be a place of measured calm.  I would talk to Ash during the round so that we knew what the instructions would be for the subsequent interval.

As the boxers were being introduced, I did my usual of looking at the opponent, measuring up the height and strength.  This guy looked tall AND powerful.  Jay’s instructions from the outset was to use the straight shots to get control.  It looked for all the world though that this would be a very tough night for Jay.  It turned out to be tough alright, but not in the way you would expect.

The bell sounded and both boxers advanced to battle.  As with many amateur fights, it was a frenetic start.  Jay’s opponent really went for him in a big way.  From where Ash and I were sitting though, Jay responded in the right way, maintaining his composure and importantly looking to hit back (exploding from behind his defence, not cowering behind it).  I thought the round had gone pretty well.  I thought that Jay’s opponent had edged it, but I felt that it was close and was certainly something that we could build on.

The bell rang to end hostilities for round one.  Jay returned to the corner and Ash went to work.  We spotted that the opponent would be vulnerable to uppercuts and Ash provided Jay with this and one or two other gems of helpful advice.  After about 20 seconds or so, something went wrong.  Jay looked at Ash through reddened eyes and said in sudden panic “He’s too strong, I can’t go back out.”  His voice was breaking and he was utterly convinced that he would be destroyed in the next round.  He was adamant and repeated his concerns in no uncertain terms.

Ash looked at me, and both of us thought in the same second “This was definitely not in the gameplan.”  Jay had reached a breaking point, he had gone to the very edge of what his emotions could bear.  Fear had taken hold and to his mind the only option was to get out of there in any way he could.  If you think about this in conventional terms, Jay’s reaction is a perfectly rational one.  Hell, who wants to get beaten up?  Not me, that’s for sure.

Our problem is that we can’t think in conventional terms.  We are boxers.  We think in terms of winning fights, no more, no less.  The fact is that as a coach, I had to consider the options.  I considered pulling Jay out, but did not for one second believe that I would.  This was one of those rare moments in life that would profoundly influence the rest of his life.  If I allowed Jay to quit here, it would eat at him for years to come, and I did not want to play any part in that.  In fact, I would rather pull him out during the round than allow a capitulation on the stool.  It was unthinkable.

So, I broke my ‘handing up’ rule of not speaking and used words to the effect of “Jay, you are in a fight.  You will go back out there and you will fight, there will be no other way.”  I added that if the guy is strong, then fight on the back foot, let him advance and bomb him with long range work, cancel out his strength by boxing him.  It was the easiest decision I’d ever made as a coach.  On this occasion it was my job not to open a door, but to shut the door with a resounding slam.  The question was, how would Jay respond?

Well, Jay did not let us down.  He stood up, accepted his mouth guard and walked back to face the ogre in the opposite corner.  This for me was one of the finest acts of courage that I’d ever witnessed in a boxing ring.  Here was a young man who had been consumed by fear and was able to gather enough inner strength to stand up and be counted.  For me he was the most awesome fighter of the night.

Now, many may question why someone could get in such a state, after all it’s only a boxing match, right?  Well, those who have actually taken part in fight would I’m sure understand this scenario.  Not necessarily would they see themselves being overtaken by emotions in such a way, but they could certainly understand how it could happen.  It is a fine line between having ‘fear as your friend’, in the words of Mike Tyson, and having fear destroy you from the inside out.

After the fight I told Jay that it was one of the proudest moments of my coaching career.  To see a young man go to the edge of the abyss and control his fear enough to go back out to face a dangerous opponent, an opponent who he felt could hurt him bad.  This will live with me for many years to come.  On that night, Jay had become a man.  The result was inconsequential.  The battle had been fought inside Jay and he could hold his head high knowing that he was now a boxer, a fighter in every sense of the word.  I could not have been happier.

I suppose you do really need to know that result don’t you?  It would be cruel not to complete the picture, and if you’re still reading an article of this length then I can only assume that you would hold at least a passing interest in knowing the outcome.  Well, Jay went out into the 2nd round and after forcing 2 standing counts watched the referee step in and halt the fight in the dying seconds of the round.  He won, and he won in emphatic fashion.  He was as joyous as any boxer I had ever seen, and why not, he had a lot to be very proud of.

There you have it.  Fear and fighting go hand in hand.  Even when a boxer feels like panic is setting in, he or she can always find a way back, can always find a way to keep control in the eye of the storm and ultimately become the victor.  This is a great sport, and all over the world every day young people like Jay are proving themselves in the crucible of the boxing ring.  We are boxers, we think in terms of winning fights, no more, no less.  And the first fight that we must always win is with our own emotions.

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